The thing is I was scared of writing again here in my blog, the fact that some of my readers are people who are already deep and faith and much older than I am. I feel that what I would write would become irrelevant. But still, here I am pouring my heart out and I feel that I have at least the right to share some of my stories in a hack-prone society. So here it goes,
I trust Jesus, I love Him. That’s what I always claim but I have a real big struggle when it comes to relationships. Guess what a teenager like me must have felt when someone who has cute eyes walks in the room and told me that he likes me ever since we’re young. I fell in love. The thing is we don’t have the same belief (I won’t bother mentioning it here). So, even after four attempts of trying to associate a life together, we failed. It still hurts remembering how much I tried reaching out to him. Still in this day, I realized I am still pining for him. He never once mentioned that he still likes me when we’re out with friends. He just carried me in his back once I was drunk (well, I did it once!), brought me home and didn’t even say goodbye.
Goodbye is the hardest word. To this day, I am still trying to kick out my feelings for him. I no longer want to like him as much as I do. The fourth and final try must have said something; it’s not worth my time. “Love conquers all.” My friend told me last night. Maybe, if the love is right and the other person is fighting too. He never chose to fight for me. The fact that he gave up is a thing I admire the most, I wish I have the same courage.
So, as I am writing, God must have gave me the courage by trying to put it in words, I no longer hold him. I am letting go and letting Him finish this chapter.
In a world where there are certainties and many blockings covering the real ones, I am glad I’m done with that one. I am not mad at him, no and never. I know how a boy’s mind works and it’s not his fault for no longer liking me.
Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I’ll be okay. Love lost, found and lost again. One day I’ll meet the one I am always waiting for.
Today, I will rediscover myself. Love myself a little, maybe? Godbless me in my soul searching and I hope you find yourself too. I already know where I can rest my soul, my true lover is watching over me, waiting for me to hold His hand tighter this time.
How romantic it is that someone would let go of my other hand when the right person comes.
I am waiting. Love is waiting.
Inlove! 